Living · with · Myself

This may sound a bit sudden but I'm leaving Perth today and will be gone for about 4 weeks.
 I hope everyone enjoys their Christmas and New Year.
I may be hard to contact for a while and will probably not be online or answering emails, SMS or phone calls while I'm away which I apologise for.
Anyway, I have a plane to catch :) Goodbye

It's been about a week since I got back to Perth. Fell back into the uni routine pretty quickly, although there were one or two mornings when I was tempted to just say 'screw it' and stay in bed. I feel a little more motivated about uni  this semester than I did last semester though. Luckily I appear not to have missed anything too important in first week of uni while I was in Canberra.

My trip to Canberra in a nutshell: visited Parliment House and the Glassworks, spent some time at ANU, drove 2.5 hours to Thredbo to see snow and make a VERY TALL hermaphrodite snowperson, watched some movies, went swimming, visited the only decent pub in Canberra, went shopping, drank a LOT of hot chocolate and tea, ate a lot of chocolate and slept a lot. It was a wonderfully relaxing holiday.

It is freezing over here in Canberra, although I went swimming this morning anyway. Time has swallowed most of my trip, two more days and I will be back in Perth. Being in Canberra has been like a little bubble of unreality and I don't really want to get back and have to deal with uni and the rest of it.

more about my trip when i get back, right now i'm going to go find a heater...

Just two more days till I get on a plane and head for the cold capital of Australia...provided nothing goes wrong. I'm getting way too paranoid these days.

It will be nice to get away for a bit and spend a week somewhere other than here.

Hope everyone who has uni has a good first week back, I'll see you all in second week hopefully.

Only 9 hours left to my last exam for this semester. I should probably spend some of that 9 hours sleeping...
I can't wait for it to be over so I can start sorting my life out, picking up the pieces and deciding what I should do. I've been putting off really thinking about things for too long.

Exams are starting to get to me so I was reading some of T. S. Eliot's works to relax myself a little and I came across a few allusions to Andrew Marvell's "To His Coy Mistress", a poem which I love but haven't read in ages. I think I mentioned it briefly to cyphermog  a while back as possibly the most eloquent way I've heard of a man phrasing the sentiment 'If we had all the time in the world then I would totally do the whole romantic thing, but baby, we're all going to die and rot very soon, so let's just get it on right now while we're young and not decomposing'.




"The grave's a fine and private place,
But none I think do there embrace."




The full poem can be found here and there is an annotated version on this page. It's a fascinating piece of literature with a timeless theme and definitely worth exploring. I don't know if anyone will actually bother reading it but hey, I can try...not enough people read poetry these days.
Anyway...time for sleep

Bliss.

Happiness.

I can't...find...words radiant enough.
I am alive briefly.

I'm sick again...I really do need a new immune system. Mine is a teacherous, weak bastard that always seems to cave in during exam periods, holidays and Christmas time.



I hate disappointment, especially when you've been waiting for something for a really long time and then it doesn't happen or it gets put off. Right now I can't concentrate on anything or think straight. Right now I am full of disappointment but also renewed nervous anticipation, hope, fear and uncertainty. Is it any wonder I can't concentrate?
I shouldn't be suprised, it always turns out this way
At least I feel something again.



-waiting-

 

In the backyard on the stones and steps,
I heard a sound of angels singing,
to a guitar's broken strumming,
The sweetness and the sorrow overwhelming.

 

In the darkness by the pooling light,
I heard such pure voices ringing
out, from bodies which were wasting.
The poison stemmed by passion overflowing.

 

I think I may have had a bit too much alcohol for 5 in the morning...
I don't know what to feel anymore. This numbness is overwhelming. Unreality seeps through me like a dark ink, staining my cotton thoughts.
I think I may need sleep

The past few months have been something like a dream to me. I have let everything drift by me while I was caught in a haze of numbness and apathy and suddenly it is too late to grasp all the lost hours that I have wasted. I'm not sure why I feel so tired and worn out all the time...
Maybe I just need to stop being so lazy and actually get things done.

Today I suddenly became the owner of a very cute and playful 6 week old kitten called Leonardo. He is gorgeous but also dangerously distracting considering I have a mid-semester tomorrow. Luckily he is sleeping at the moment so I can study in relative peace. Speaking of which I should stop procrastinating and get back to it.

It's been a while since I've posted, mostly due to the approach of various due-dates for assignments and mid-semesters. I haven't really slept much in the past few weeks. Hopefully I get around to posting more often now that the bulk of pending assignments has past (although I'm sure no-one really cares, but my goal for using this journal as an aid in retaining literary skills isn't going to be attained if I only use it once in a blue moon).

Not much has been going on recently, I spent most of the two week break lounging in a grey miasma of apathy and then these first two weeks back at uni in a sleepless, frantic blur of study and assignments. I need to get motivated to start things earlier and make better use of the time I have but for some reason I seem to lack the motivation or inclination to do anything.

I'd like to ramble some more (maybe even about something more interesting) but it's getting a little late and I have to be up early tomorrow so I think I'll call it a night.

Time seems to have once again slipped by at a ridiculous speed and I find myself half-way through the semester without any solid grasp of what is going on in most of my units. Thankfully we are now having a two week break in which I can do some catching up, although I suspect this may be a futile exercise and that  I'm always going to be just that little bit behind.

I've already lost about 4 days of my break to the ComSSA LAN which finished yesterday. As much fun as it was, I have to admit it's nice to sleep in a real bed again and be eating properly (well, sort of anyway). Tomorrow I'm having my wisdom teeth taken out...I plan on eating as many of my favourite solid foods as I can before then (like steak, I love steak) and I suppose after that it's going to be soup and jelly for a while. Come to think of it, I promised hunter006 that we would have dinner together next week...hopefully I'll be capable of eating properly by then.

Well, my brain is still recuperating from ComSSA LAN so I think I will stop writing for now. If I don't manage to get back to posting before the weekend I hope everyone has a good Easter.

Today I visited my father for the first time in months and inadvertently solved the mystery of whether or not he got remarried last year...by meeting his new wife for the first time (she only immigrated here very recently). The reason it was a mystery in the first place (well, a mystery to me at least) is because I'd previously only heard about his getting remarried through rumors and hearsay. Maybe it's just me but i find it a little odd hearing about major changes in my father's life through secondary sources. I suppose I could have verified the rumor by simply asking him about it, but I had never been able to bring myself to pose a question like "umm...I hear you got remarried hey?" (or any other wording thereof) to my father.

So, yes...apparently I have a step-mother. The idea doesn't really gel properly in my head at the moment but I'm sure I'll get used to it eventually. The human mind has remarkable adaptability.

I have a strange family.

It's been a while since I've attempted to blog anywhere, but I find that doing a purely science oriented degree at university and spending all my spare time in a Computer Science common room is having distressing effects on my grasp of proper English.  Therefore, I'm hoping that maintaining a Livejournal account and writing something (or anything) other than a stock-standard lab report every week will at least slow this steady erosion of my ability to write and speak properly, even if it can't stop it altogether. Also...I have a tendency to ramble inanely when i start writing and rambling inanely to yourself isn't really much fun.

Well, you've been warned...prepare yourself for more random, pointless, badly edited posts! (Or I suppose you could just stop reading this blog...damn that free will.)